Jan 2, 2013

Conversation with a baby

Tuesday night, 7:30 p.m.

Me: (comes in) What's wrong? Why aren't you sleeping?
Baby: Why am I lying on my stomach? This is awful!
Me: (rolls baby over) There you go. Goodnight.
Baby: --
Me: (leaves room)
Baby: (rolls onto stomach) WAAAAAAAHHHH
Me: (comes back) Did you roll over again?
Baby: OH HI, MOM! I'm on my stomach! Isn't this neat? Look how high I can --
Me: OK, let's roll back over and stay there this time.
Baby: Fine.
Me: Good night.
Baby: I'm just gonna, like (starts to roll)
Me: Hey! Cut it out. You're just going to make yourself cry again.
Baby: No, it's cool this time. I LIKE being on my ... WAAAAAHHH
Me: (rolls baby over and props with pillow, no doubt causing baby safety experts around the world to gasp in horror)
Baby: OK, I'm just gonna, hermh, ernhh, enhhh I CAN'T ROLL WAAAAAAHHH !!!
Me: Just lie on your back. I promise it's fine.
Baby: You are ruining my life, MOM!!!

(rinse and repeat)